FORGIVE AND FORGET - DIFFICULT THOUGH BUT DOABLE !

Friends; read this from Dr. Karin's pages and couldn't resist sharing.......WORTH A THOUGHT !

The need to get revenge. The need to have someone ‘outed.’ 

The need to make another person pay for what they did to us. 

It’s all part of the normal reaction to relational pain. 

It’s the ‘fight’ in ‘fight or flight.’ 

It’s the need to kick that punt and even the score.

We’ve all been there. 

We’ve all struggled with the little devil on our shoulder that tries to convince us that we are ENTITLED to getting someone back by somehow belittling their life. 

Because they have belittled ours. 

Believe me – I GET IT.

But as we age and become more self-actualized, we realize that all of those times we have tried to ‘even the score,’ we didn’t actually feel better in the end. 

We see that we didn’t really gain the satisfaction we were seeking. 

And we didn’t really feel that great about the high five we got from friends who were in our cheering section. 

We were left staring at the confetti on the ground, wishing we weren’t playing in the game.

We usually felt worse and wish that we had not let our need for revenge hijack our normally compassionate hearts. 

Because it did not make that other person see things our way. 

Nope, not at all. 

It actually validated to them that we were worth attacking. 

Not the goal we were aiming for.

And so over time, we begin to learn that there are just some people that are going to harbor a need to talk smack about us. 

No matter what we do.

If you want to take this therapist’s advice, I can tell you the truth of the matter: 

Another person’s actions are about THEM, not YOU. They are about an insecurity inside of them that you cannot fix. 

Remember: Confidence is quiet. Insecurity is LOUD.

So you have to make the decision: 

Am I going to let it be, or am I going to make them pay? 

Am I going to respond LOUDLY, staying in their lane?  

Or am I going to confidently & quietly let them pass on by?

By letting them pass and turning yourself in a different direction, you can choose to take your heart out of their firing range. It is your way back to sanity and away from trying to correct someone else’s character – because you CAN’T.

Here is the TRUTH: 

You are not in charge of the harsh words that come out of another person’s mouth, or the ill-mannered actions that are created by another person’s heart.

You are in charge of how you handle the ripple of time after the incident. 

You are responsible for where you direct your energy. 

If you take the hours away from your life to ruminate over that person’s words, you are giving them power that would likely be pretty satisfying for them. 

Are they worth it?

Are your steps going to move LOUDLY toward or QUIETLY away from that person? 

The way I see it, if you try to hurt them right back … that only makes you just like them.

 Stand up.

 Turn around.

 Walk away the Other Way.

Respect your own heart enough not to let it be damaged any more by revenging or arguing with someone who has a crack in their soul that needs to be filled. THAT is up to them.

Let your quiet confidence speak the loudest about who you really are.

AKHTAR N JANJUA

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